No means NO!

"Good grief!" As Charlie Brown would say. How many times do I have to say, "No?"

Over the years as a mother of 3 I have had MANY days where that word has been the only one in my vocabulary. Today, though, it's use had nothing to do with my children.

Since moving to Roanoke we have been able to get Verizon DSL. Yay! Therefore, I needed to cancel our account with PeoplePC who have been wonderfully faithful over the past 2 years. I thanked the nice man for their service and asked to have our account cancelled. "No problem," he says and then launches into a list of offers he can give me. 1. Give me 4 additional months for $4.95 to keep PeoplePC as a "backup" for my new provider. No. 2. Keep my PeoplePC email address for $1.98 per month "so you don't lose your contacts." No. 3. This one I can't even remember because my frustration level blocked my memory! NO!

So the next phone call is to cancel a magazine subscription that we had for one year. We signed up for an offer for this mag for $2 and don't want to pay the annual $54 fee. This time I don't get a person. I get an automated machine. This female voice wants to know my phone number so she can "look up" my account. I give her the one from NY. Obviously, right? That's where we were when we signed up. No. I hang up and call back this time using the OTHER number we had in NY. No. Neither number accesses our account. Ok. "I'll will have to look up your account using your credit card." Great. Since ordering this magazine I have lost my debit card TWICE! I have no idea what that number would be! Ugh! So at the point where she says, "Please say the numbers listed on your credit card," I have nothing to say but, "I don't know." This is not in her vocabulary. She asks me to repeat the numbers on my credit card. "I do not know!" Hers is quite the response - "I'm sorry I am having so much trouble with this." I'm thinking I'm so glad she thinks SHE's the one with the problem! She moves on to the zip code. That I know. So we are able to proceed with the reason for my call....cancelling my subscription. She's "happy" to process this for me but would like to offer me 4 months of Reader's Digest for a $1 processing fee. No. She apologizes that I am cancelling my subscription and offers further assistance. My response? No.

Whew! Ok. That was one magazine. I get the number for the other magazine. Yes, it's a different number. BUT IT'S THE SAME FEMALE VOICE ON THE AUTOMATED MACHINE! AARGH! So we go through THE ENTIRE process again! No kidding! Only THIS time she offers me a subscription to a Jumbo Crossword Book AND Diabetic Cooking Magazine for only $2! Whoo hoooo! NO!

It's with fear and trembling that I called the final number that needed to cancelled. In NY we had Dish Network like in Michigan and now in VA. But in the area we were in we couldn't get "local" channels which were actually New York City stations. So Dish offered us Distance Local Channels through another company. For nearly 2 years we had NO CLUE as to our weather forecast but we knew Atlanta's AND San Francisco's! Yay!

So I make the final call. "I need to cancel my account." Immediately the lady, Amy, replies, "No problem." After a few keystrokes...."I have cancelled your account. In a 1-2 business days our accounting department will process any refund you have coming to you." WHAT???? Hot diggity dog!

Why can't all phone calls go that well?